People Pleasing | Why You Should Do More of It

by Nadine Staaf

in Society

People Pleasing: Let’s Define What that Really Means

First off, you probably came to read this article because you disagree with me that people pleasing is a good thing, and if you do (or if you don’t) agree with me, I welcome your feedback in the comments, below). Let’s keep it friendly, please!

When you Google “people pleasing”, you will probably notice how the top search results are all articles on how a person can stop being a people pleaser, and how detrimental it is to a person’s existence for them to want to please people all the time. There can be truth to all of it, but only if you want it to be so.

Okay- hold up just a moment. Before you should stop doing anything that someone from an article says you should stop doing, you should first know what people-pleasing actually means (and so should the writers of an article such as this one in Psychology Today: Are You a People Pleaser?Reality Check on People Pleasing (and on anything else that comes up first in Google)

Two or More Definitions for People Pleaser

There seems to be a mainstream understanding of the definition of people-pleasing that has an entirely negative connotation. As with many mainstream ideas, they can become convoluted over time and people tend to end up picking a side, and whether or not people actually understand what they are choosing is another story, altogether.

People pleasing and why its good

We can look at people pleasing in one of two ways:

  1. People pleasing means that you let yourself be the “doormat”, as described on LifeHack’s 7 Ways to Stop Being Treated like a Doormat (and I get it, wholly, that there are people who think they are not worthy enough for the respect of others and they have yet to realize that they are valuable beyond belief, just the way they are.)
  2. The other way that you can interpret people pleasing is that you like to have a pleasant demeanor, you do your best to feel good about yourself and your life so that the people around you can pick up on that positive energy and find their own pleasing demeanor and situations. People pleasing can mean that you like to improve yourself so that you AND the people around you can find happiness.

People pleasing, in this second way of looking at the whole subject, is actually a positive thing. Let’s delve further (because it’s juicy, right?)…

Have You Ever Defined Yourself as a People Pleaser?

People in your life, like people in my life, have probably called you a “people pleaser” at one point or another. Maybe people always still call you a people pleaser. Maybe it’s true that you tend to have people pleasing tendencies, according to the mainstream way of looking at things.

Let’s get clear on this- we do not need to label ourselves as anything, unless we want to. “People pleaser” doesn’t need to be your alt tag (alternate name), if you feel negative emotion around that.

Two solutions for when people call you a people pleaser: You can tell people that you don’t want to be referred to in that way, if you feel crappy when they call you that. Or, you can change the way you understand the term. What I’m suggesting we do is change the term altogether to mean something that’s utterly fantastic and spirit-raising. You’re such a people pleasing person and it’s amazing how good you feel about yourself. I want to be just like you and to learn how to love my life and other people as much as you obviously do!!

“You Are a People-Pleaser” (and you should stop being one), they all say

If you feel crummy about yourself and your life, then acknowledging that part is super important. By changing yourself to please others, you may or may not be doing yourself a favor. All of that can be complicated, so I’m not giving psychological advice to solve all the world’s self-esteem issues (which can all be overcome, believe me- it all can be overcome, in time, and with persistence).

What I’m suggesting is that you create your own reality, and accept into your consciousness the power to control your own perceptions about who you are and about who you want to become. It can be easy to believe what other people say about you- the positive and the negative- but the truth is that you’re amazing (no matter who you are). Listen to the things that make you feel good inside and outside. Take everything as a compliment because that’s how special you are in this world. YOU GO! Way to go, you!!

Warmly,

Nadine Staaf

People Pleasing | Why You Should Do More of It

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Nadine Staaf is a Nikken Wellness Consultant serving USA and Canada with Nikken Products and a business opportunity in total wellness. See Nadine's full story Nadine Staaf's Nikken Story

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